"Time is very slow for those who wait
Very fast for those who are scared
very long for those who lament
Very short for those who celebrate
But for those who love time is eternal"

~William Shakespeare

Awakened

There are times I find myself lost in thought, the elegancy or our ecstasy seems most enduring to my fire. Overwhelmed with desires that feed our most intimate of passions. What does the word love mean if not at this very second happiness forever? My heart opens to your vibrant aura, that of which only calms my mind and sooths my soul like a sweet sweet surrender that only escalates the calming tantrum that keeps my heart beating to our fine tuned song of everlasting love and passion. I never want this feeling to end. The day I caught what seems now a gripping sickness that firmly holds my mind, body and spirit with the most gentle grasp was the day I put away the most childish of things and took upon what you see now. A man that has something and someone to live for. If I ever was looking for heaven I found it here with you and I no longer have to pursue it. The emotions I feel alternate like seasons at the sight of you and my mind seems set in only one direction when I think of what or where my life is thus my resurrection to what it means and I’d add no corrections. There is no misdirection when you showed me what path I should walk upon. My brightest of lights that only guides me further and I don't ever worry about looking back like a murderer because I trust you as you lay my soul at ease...there is no pain. My hands hold yours as we walk side by side and I look into your beautiful brown eyes I only pray that my soul and spirit is reflected in my presence that you see such goes an epiphany of all that’s in me... I love you. I never have once thought to feel this way, nor to let myself go to what I once thought was a lost cause so I went my marry way til you got in the way. Where there was a maze that lead to nowhere I finally found an exit, yeah...you were there. Let me remind myself that this does exist here on God’s green earth where life is bliss. And deep within my soul I know that what we have is true. It was that very same day I confessed to you. It was then I realized that you had awakened something in me. I at one time let go as we let by gones be by gones...though...truly there never will be a better day then when you came back to me...you are an ambassador my world and the liaison my happiness, I don’t think it gets any better than this. It only seems that the sun has gotten brighter, but I blame that on the fire of our desires as we balance on loves thin wire. And the whole world trembles beneath our feet making all who oppose us bow in their own defeat because we do conquer all you see? But just then...it all goes black, am I back here again? I shiver from the cold as my eyes start to open and my fingers begin to unfold what is this in my hand that I am holdin’? Oh yeah...I must have been awakened.

Dont Fall

Don’t let yourself fall cause it’ll never work. She’s just frontin and I don’t wanna get hurt. If I catch myself slippin I’ll just take a couple steps back Shes just gotta understand that I don’t wanna get attached. What’s the use of saying anything? Cause I know if I do I’m going to miss everything. I could just look from afar and never have to get close. I don’t even have to be emotional about it, you know the heart is where it hurts the most. But I always find myself thinking iv found the one and making the greatest mistakes that I never learn from. Even if I got a lecture about how this girl doesn’t belong in the picture I’ll still trip and fall on the line I never saw. Or didn’t care to see the words “don’t cross” never occurred to me. That’s why I say don’t let yourself fall cause it’ll never work. She’s just fontin and I don’t want to get hurt. If I catch myself slippin I’ll just take a couple steps back. Shes just gotta understand that I don’t want to get attached. I hate fightin emotions when I always fail cause I still believe in love and old fairy tales. Why did she even have to kiss me and smile at all, now I’m stuck on a girl that I barely know at all. What’s all this I’m feeling after the way she touched me that evening, I couldn’t find the meaning. I have to get a grip cause I think I’m the only one who wants a relationship. Sometimes i wish i could hand all these emotions off where’s my secretary, it’s only been a month since I met her late February. But it was all just temporary and what I felt wasn’t really necessary. I still cried when she left and my conscience won’t ever let me forget. She was gone like “let’s jet set”. That’s why I say don’t let yourself fall cause it’ll never work. She’s just frontin and I don’t want to get hurt. If I catch myself slippin I’ll just take a couple steps back. She’s just gotta understand that I don’t want to get attached. I woke up today got dressed to go on my way. She tried to pull me back to bed and i kissed her on the head. Told her I gotta leave it’s been fun and don’t worry about me. There’s parts of this story that I do t want to read. I gotta go before it starts and before I begin. Iv been here before and I know how it’s gunna end. Keep falling for your type hoping that it’ll turn out alright. So I’ll step away before I make a few decisions that won’t turn out right. And she told me “I would catch you if you fall cause we’re gunna make this work. I’m not frontin and I don’t want you to get hurt. If you catch yourself slippin I’ll always have your back. And I would understand if you don’t want to get attached. But if you never let go of the past how do you tend to the future and what’s the use of falling in love when you always try to change fates picture. Are you still going to leave? Because your heart is safe with me. It’s not gunna be another bad dream so come back here and sleep.” So I locked door and took my car keys.

You know what I think? You were never really whole to begin with. Just because you lost your love doesn’t mean that you now have this black void in your heart. Even before you fell in love you should already be whole. Love just cracks you open, tears you to pieces and you don’t notice it until love has gone and washed away.

~J