Its hard to understand you through the silence. But I will keep trying damn it…just as long as your eyes don’t turn away.

~J

Translations

Scientific-Doesn’t matter how much of an IQ you have if you don’t have EQ.
Ideal-Doesn’t matter how much your mind is involved if your heart is not.
Cynical-If we listened to our intellect we’d never have a love affair.
Real-Doesn’t matter how smart you are if you don’t have common sense.

I love being happy and listening to music but why are the most beautiful songs so sad…

— ~J

Still Telling Time in Another Place…
My Location…VA
My Place…On the Right
The Little Ones Will Tell You Another Story Though.

Dont Fall

Don’t let yourself fall cause it’ll never work. She’s just frontin and I don’t wanna get hurt. If I catch myself slippin I’ll just take a couple steps back Shes just gotta understand that I don’t wanna get attached. What’s the use of saying anything? Cause I know if I do I’m going to miss everything. I could just look from afar and never have to get close. I don’t even have to be emotional about it, you know the heart is where it hurts the most. But I always find myself thinking iv found the one and making the greatest mistakes that I never learn from. Even if I got a lecture about how this girl doesn’t belong in the picture I’ll still trip and fall on the line I never saw. Or didn’t care to see the words “don’t cross” never occurred to me. That’s why I say don’t let yourself fall cause it’ll never work. She’s just fontin and I don’t want to get hurt. If I catch myself slippin I’ll just take a couple steps back. Shes just gotta understand that I don’t want to get attached. I hate fightin emotions when I always fail cause I still believe in love and old fairy tales. Why did she even have to kiss me and smile at all, now I’m stuck on a girl that I barely know at all. What’s all this I’m feeling after the way she touched me that evening, I couldn’t find the meaning. I have to get a grip cause I think I’m the only one who wants a relationship. Sometimes i wish i could hand all these emotions off where’s my secretary, it’s only been a month since I met her late February. But it was all just temporary and what I felt wasn’t really necessary. I still cried when she left and my conscience won’t ever let me forget. She was gone like “let’s jet set”. That’s why I say don’t let yourself fall cause it’ll never work. She’s just frontin and I don’t want to get hurt. If I catch myself slippin I’ll just take a couple steps back. She’s just gotta understand that I don’t want to get attached. I woke up today got dressed to go on my way. She tried to pull me back to bed and i kissed her on the head. Told her I gotta leave it’s been fun and don’t worry about me. There’s parts of this story that I do t want to read. I gotta go before it starts and before I begin. Iv been here before and I know how it’s gunna end. Keep falling for your type hoping that it’ll turn out alright. So I’ll step away before I make a few decisions that won’t turn out right. And she told me “I would catch you if you fall cause we’re gunna make this work. I’m not frontin and I don’t want you to get hurt. If you catch yourself slippin I’ll always have your back. And I would understand if you don’t want to get attached. But if you never let go of the past how do you tend to the future and what’s the use of falling in love when you always try to change fates picture. Are you still going to leave? Because your heart is safe with me. It’s not gunna be another bad dream so come back here and sleep.” So I locked door and took my car keys.

The Great Sand Dunes

I know we’re not saints or virgins or lunatics; we know all the lust and lavatory jokes, and most of the dirty people; we can catch buses and count our change and cross the roads and talk real sentences. But our innocence goes awfully deep, and our discreditable secret is that we don’t know anything at all, and our horrid inner secret is that we don’t care that we don’t.

— Dylan Thomas

True Lies

Its always an option of choices once you open the door. You can walk in, you can close it, or you can just leave it open. At some point if she said that she loved me, I couldn’t say it back, cause that would mean that I got attached. I’d smile but I’d never speak to her again…If a she told me that she missed me, I’d ignore it and tell her have a good day even though I missed her too. I couldn’t bare to miss anyone again. Even if she spilled all her feelings to me in hopes that I would feel the same way, I’d just stare without an answer. I couldn’t answer anything with the truth. I always found a way to open the door and walk in but keep my foot in the door so I wouldn’t get stuck. If it didn’t work out I would just step out and close it. My failsafe to my life. I know that if she left Id worry about her but at least I wouldn’t be a burden on her mind. I just don’t ever want to feel that pain of falling in love again.

What is it when your not in control? Is it being human? Is it being reckless? Or is that just how life is? The lesson is this; You can always answer someone without a lie and never tell the truth, but the truth will still be there lingering in your heart. So don’t be afraid to close the door behind you. It isn’t a perfect world but you’ll know when you’ve opened the right door.

Something I’d wake up to every day.

4TH of July and all we’re left with is Sparklers…

Me and Relationships

Come to think of it, relationships to me aren’t the same anymore. Its not about a title, a label, who’s in charge, how big the diamond is, whos turn is it, or who gets the big piece of chicken. It’s about compatibility, compromise, sharing, respect, partnership and love. Oh wait and communication… I could care less if I was labeled someone’s boyfriend, people in high-school have boyfriends, kids have boyfriends. Call me your man and I will call you my woman. Id never have a woman chase me while I do my own thing. I’d rather make her a part of my life, because when your with someone that makes you stop running, you grab their hand and take them with you. If your ever in a relationship that you want to last look your significant other in the eye and tell them how you feel. Why would you ever be in a relationship where you were so scared to let out everything. Tell them and then look into their eyes, because their eyes let you know how they truly feel. And when you know without a doubt that they love you back, nothing else matters. Not the cloths they wear, not the flaws, not even how bad their hair looks in the morning. Just…love. I wouldn’t change a thing about her.

This is exactly how I feel:

“You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She’s not perfect - you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can. She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give. Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.”

— Bob Marley

THE GREAT SAND DUNES

Not perfect

As a man I can’t guarantee that I’m perfect. I’m sorry if I don’t notice the new nail color you just got or the make over you came home with. But I already love you just the way you are. I’m sorry if I missed that picture perfect moment that you wanted to work out. But it wasn’t intentional I just didn’t know what you wanted me to do. I’m not always going to be there. But I’d drop everything just to be there every moment of your life. I’m not perfect. I may not always say the right things at the right moment. But don’t take my words wrong and ill be sure to apologies if it was unintentional. I’m sorry if I wasn’t what you were looking for. But my imperfections make me who I am. I’m not perfect but how can any man be without a woman who accepts him for who he is. Imperfection is my perfection, I am not perfect.

You know what I think? You were never really whole to begin with. Just because you lost your love doesn’t mean that you now have this black void in your heart. Even before you fell in love you should already be whole. Love just cracks you open, tears you to pieces and you don’t notice it until love has gone and washed away.

~J

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

— Yun Kouga